"And then we'll get down there

Way down to the very bottom of everything

And then we'll see it, oh, we'll see it! We'll see it! We'll see it!

Oh, my morning's coming back

The whole world's waking up

All the city buses swimming past

I'm happy just because

I found out I am really no one "

AT THE BOTTOM OF EVERYTHING. BRIGHT EYES

Tonight, I sat out on my porch steps and looked into the dark. As my eyes grew accustomed, faint, visibles forms and figures traced themselves by some invisible hand, the shadowed outline of a hammock, the zillion concentric lopsided-circles of leaves. Silence is so LOUD. But then again, so was the cricket, hidden in this night therefore brash and bold with its trills. And the motorcycle that growled past. I was so jumpy at every sudden sound, and even though I live so close to nature, I am unaccustomed to being immersed in it; the sounds, or sometimes lack of sounds, and such. In city bustle I float by, feeling like a vacuum of calm in the tumult and commotion of industry and rush. But in the quiet settled dark, I am the disturbed and the disturber, and I want to practice being again. As I sat there, I thought maybe some deep thought on the meaning of life might brilliantly pop out from the mass of muddled, dark shapes all around me. But nothing did and I laughed aloud, because maybe there is nothing. Maybe there is no greater meaning, because all that we ever think has most likely been thought, and we are all the same since all of us are unique, and I dont matter that much at all.

I'm happy just because, I've found out I am really no one.

The quote on my India Spice tea (that sets my mouth on fire, in the most enjoyable way possible to suffer) tells me to "Recognize that the other person is you". JOY! YES! This is something I am so happy to have actually realized on my own before, yet never put it so articulately. It is the reason I cant find pure bad in anyone. It is the reason that, despite my friend's concerns and scoldings, I always smile at the homeless men on the streets. We are human, we are humane, and somewhere inside us I believe there will always be compassion. And need. We are all needy and fickle and faulted and beautiful.