People say that your dreams

are the only things that save ya.

Come on baby in our dreams,we can live on misbehavior.

Every time you close your eyes

Lies, lies! Every time you close your eyes

I read a book and found out it takes years and years and (light?)years for humans to notice that a star has gone out. extinguished. cave in and crumbled. is it a neat packing up and drift away, or an instantaneuos combustion that sends ripples undulating under the dark vieling of nice night sky? i dont know. mine was a drift.

but we never notice these things. and how can we, so far removed from the sky? its merely a matter of our nature, we are humans, this earth our domain. those foreign things, those things outside ourselves, are unreachable. The fact that they exist could even be a further extension of our imagination, some promise to ourselves that there are some burning, passionate things above us; when in truth they could have fizzled out like those Emergen-C! vitamin drops mom makes me put in my drinks when im sick. It spits and growls and yellow blemishes into the water, spreading like an oil spill. Anyways, they could all be out.

I dont know if its a reingnation, or just a toddler coloring the picture back in, scribbling outside the lines but to him, it looks fine. I dont know if its a spark of flame or a seeping of sunlit rays between the bark-laden arms of trees. But either way, we come back. Before anyone knows somethings been gone. It feels good to be hungry yum yum for something i know ill never get. Becuase it keeps me reaching.

stretching feels nice

people are refreshing. like the ones I have no expectations for. yet. i think ill stop having expectations. becuase when you smiled at me today i knew i existed. Once I asked Mr. Farrel how could i could ever hope to write beautiful things and passionate stories if i had no pain in my life. Becuase all these moving things evoke sadness, and this sense of injustice or longing. And I interpreted my lack of upset for indifference. But I realized loving things and feeling things is just as painful because

I dont know why, but feeling things is this sharp, satisfying pain right between my temples that makes me appreciate the little things that when I'm upset, I numb out. I'm going to stop now before I write myself in circles.

Except to say i really know nothing :) and that if you love something, make sure it knows that, at the very least