"but restlessness is causeless and i cannot hide so much of my soul that spills outside"

SUMMERTIME CLOTHES. ANIMAL COLLECTIVE

helloo :)
ive read somewhere this quote that said "happiness is only real when shared" and at first i hated it, because there are a lot of things that i enjoy that i keep to myself. i interpreted it to mean that there couldnt be any joy in solitude, which would mean there was no self-fufillment. and that meant that all the little things i delight in on my own was only a false sense of happiness, and if that was correct, id be a much different person than i had formerly held myself to be.

but now im thinking that maybe this quote is just about how happiness is something that shouldnt be kept to oneself, its something that grows exponentially the more you give out; something that needs to be communicated. and reason #1 for my starting of this blog is that i want to learn to communicate better.

what i think/write, what i do, and what i say seem to be three entirely different entities sometimes. i do not mean to say i am two-faced or fake, i mean that i have different mindsets when im with people or when im alone. when im thinking or when im talking. id like to connect these three pieces of me, and possibly this will bring me further to becoming one complete person. because im far from complete at the moment. as most people are
i dont believe practice makes perfect, but i have no other way i can think of (at the moment) of becoming better at communicating. im going to start with explaining something that makes me happy.

i have gone for a run every day for the past week and taken a right turn out of my driveway instead of a left. its so refreshing to change things often. by some beautiful coincidence, my run has been right as the sun is setting every night. as i conquer the first hill, random rays strike from behind the tangled tree limbs and blind me. i run by this very large lake everyday too, and it looks on fire when the sun sets, radiant and its reflections are scintillating and i have the deepest urging just to jump in. i swear i would have if i hadnt been alone. this experience would not be complete without listening to neighborhood #1 by arcade fire though, which i think is the most inspiring and amazing song there is, especially in the beginning even when there is no singing. i feel like im running straight through the neighborhood that the lyrics describe, and then the next song to come on is neighborhood #3 and immediately the power goes out (please listen to the song if you dont understand that reference) which goes along perfectly since usually the sun has set by now and it actually is dark. (dont have any dreams dont have any plans)

currently, i am drinking tahitian vanilla hazelnut tea which is urging me to finish my homework. tomorrow i am going to boston to see andrew bird. i promise my blogs will get more interesting as keep going (starting is always the thing that im worst at). i have the weirdest sensation of talking to myself, since im not sure anyone actually reads this. i might go to bed before midnight for the first time this week.

maybe.