"and people make you nervous,

you think the world is ending and everybody's features have

somehow started blending

and everything is plastic

and everyone's sarcastic

and all your food is frozen, it needs to be defrosted"

GHOST OF CORPORATE FUTURE. REGINA SPEKTOR

today i went into worcester to a petite mediterranean market place that reminded me of trader joes except smaller and more personal; the young man who worked there was beautiful and wore wonderfully goofy glasses and i was intimidated because he seemed like someone i wanted to be like, or at least friends with, but it turns out he is warm and openly friendly. i wandered among rows of questionable things like squid in a jar (real ink inside!) and humorous things like jerk seasoning ("now i know what you put on your breakfast!") or brandname BITCH wine, and a multitude of tea (in this isle i was so overwhelmed by the brilliant choices that i became paralyzed, and bought nothing) and yum yum yummy baklava so rich and sweet and i think you should go to this market.

i went to kohls to buy emergency work clothes and the checkout girl was bored and chatty. and i cant tell if she was confused on who she was or merely did not care how she was perceived, but either way-- she wore a bright pink belly shirt and lots of girlish makeup and talked in a high, giggly voice. she also had a large tattoo, shaggy inky-dyed hair, and lots of piercings. she asked me if id been to the beach lately, and needed only a "yes! I--" before launching into a long tale, surprising me with the depth of what she was saying (describing going to the beach at night, swallowed in the abundance of newly visible stars, sneaky in barefeet to feel the raw grittiness of the sand and surf) and also with the way she was saying it (depositing like, a "like" like every other word, like seriously like im not like even joking like every word) and the way she ended it (and YEAH like its totally like illegal but the cops are way too, like, distracted by all the like drunk guys to like notice). she seemed crushed when we finally had to go, and it was slightly depressing to watch the animation drain out of her face as she started with the next "hi, welcome to kohls..."

then i had my first day at work bussing tables and i will never be able to eat at a restaurant again the same way, now that i know the mechanics of the place. you see waitresses smiling patiently with their customers, then swearing about them once in the kitchen. the atmosphere in the back boiled and steamed, but outside waitresses were cool and collected, smiling jovially. i ran from shouts, clangs, smashes and banging doors into a world of sleek and slender wine glasses clinking, the dim flicker of candles and muted conversation. i cleared off some table's beers before they were finished. the drunk guys were akward, but it was harmless and silly and made me laugh inside. the girl i worked with was truly a gift to me on my first day, and (despite the fact that id never met her) spilled a lot about her life to me, and a lot of it was intimate and not very happy. i enjoy listening though. she told me she wished i was in her grade because then wed probably be really good friends. actually, her crave to tell almost-strangers how much hatred she contained for certain people made me wonder if she naturally sought out drama, which would mean we probably wouldnt be very good friends. but for the situation, i really like her as a work buddy, and id love her to surprise me by being above petty highschool dramas. she made work fun fun fun

i guess the point of these three narative were the rest of the song..

people are just people, they shouldnt make you nervous

the world is everlasting, its coming and its going

if you dont toss your plastic

the streets wont be so plastic

and if you kiss somebody, then both of you'll get practice

i had a sleepover with my cousins and they began to discuss God and evolution. they were infuriated because they didnt see how the big bang theory made any sense. how did a particle just explode into a universe. who made the animals? who put the particle there in the first place? they said that it was just totally unrealistic, "there are some times when science stops and the only answer you can look to is God". they said. and they thought it was people with no hope that were athiest. "it upsets me so much. where do they think you go when you die?! so hopeless. emmy? emmy are you awake?". even though i was attentive and awake, i grunted and yawned as though i were sleepy, and lay there grinning because i have my own beliefs and they make me feel secure enough that other people arent necessarily hopeless and insane if they dont believe them too. i dont need validation becuase im so content and satisfied with them. and it struck me that maybe i should be upset (they did say some other things that could be taken offensively, though i know that wasnt the intent) but i was just too joyful. science relies heavily on questions, and my questions and wonder at the world are everlasting. i have a great abundance of faith. i havent not found love in anyone ive met. this human race gives me so much hope

the world is everlasting

put dirtballs in your pockets, and take off both your shoes

cause people are just people, people are just people, people are just people like you..