"With our love-- we could save the world

if only they knew.

Try to realize its all within yourself no-one else

can make you change

And to see you're really only very small

and life flows on within you and without you."

WITHIN YOU WITHOUT YOU. THE BEATLES

About five minutes ago, my whole family was piled into my parent's room, which happens to be the only place with air conditioning. This air conditioner belonged to my grandparents who both smoked excessively, and it expells a stench of cigarettes. But it is cold, rather than oppressive and sultry. And by my whole family, I am including the dogs to make this statement actually carry weight. Three dogs certainly can be overwhelming. One of them just threw up and I had to clean it. Anyways-

While lying at my mom's feet, I thought about growing old (these thoughts prompted by my emotional viewing of Benjamin Button) and I began to sing

will you still need me, will you still feed me, when i'm sixty four? and I sang loudly until I exhausted my knowledge of words from this song. There was silence for a second, before I heard faintly (my dad had his head stuffed under a pillow)a muffled humming to a new tune, which was now lovely Rita! Meter maid! Where would I be without you?

And we just kept singing. And when I touch you, I feel.. happy. Completely off-key, and so whiny sounding that the dogs began to howl and trill. Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, and Ill try not to sing out of key. But we laughed and laughed and I think this moment symbolized the clean step onto a new level of relationship with my parents. Recently, I confessed to my mom that I didnt just love her anymore, for simply being my mother. I actually like her. And for the first time, I want to grow up and be like them. We haven't fought since. I'm blessed to have parents so humane, strong enough to be vulnerable, and at heart still children. For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool by making his world a little colder.

I went to Boston today, and I am tirelessly, insatiably, hoplessly entrenched in the most immense feeling of omnipotent awe at.. (surprise! surprise!) people. And the enormity of everything. These vast, towering buildings that reside over thousands of diverse, scurrying beings who rush around interacting quickly and then moving on. Like a shared smile in the subway. Like the photographer whos attention we got. Like man whom we gave money. Like the people who laughed at us modeling in windows. Bustle bustle bustle. life Life LIFE

Erin and I wrote the quote at the beginning of this post on the dulled maroon seats of the train. I hope it affects someone, someday.